In Which I Am Fearful And Hopeful

   I know that this is my first post in a very, very long time. I apologize for that, but as I'm sure you know life has a habit of getting in the way sometimes. Despite the lack of blog activity, I have not been idle. Far from it. Though, I will admit that life stuff has taken up the majority of my time. But, sometimes, that can't be helped.

   My writing time has largely been spent working on a fanfiction that was begun in attempt to get me out of a writing rut. Did it work? Yes it did. And, as you know, I am a fangirl, so needless to say I've been having a lot of fun with this piece and the characters that are so dear to my heart. An added bonus is the positive and, at times, critical feedback on my work. It's a huge encouragement to me on both fronts.


   As for the rest of my writing time, it's been spent taking apart and re-working my Southern Urban Fantasy novel mentioned in my About Me page. The sad truth of the matter was that the story was becoming too bloated and the flow was gone. So, I decided to step back, work on something else for a while, and then begin again. This strategy has helped. I've begun to re-work my characters and fall in love with them again, and the plot line is beginning to look more and more streamlined as the days go by. Hopefully, I'll be past my sporadic note taking on sheets of blank paper soon and will be able to move on to actual outlining. It's a step in the right direction I feel and I am very excited.


   Now that I've caught you up on everything, it's time for me to move on to something else in this post.


   Recently, I flipped through a copy of Poets & Writers magazine at the bookstore. In the past I actually haven't ever looked through writing magazines (they've never crossed my mind I suppose), but the cover happened to catch my eye. The issue's focus was on writing contests. Of course I've heard of writing contests before, though I haven't worked up the courage to enter one myself- I'll get there eventually.


   But what really piqued my interest was the section interviewing different editors and literary agents and whether or not contest wins matter to them. Overall, it seemed that the opinion was that while they do care that a potential client was a few accomplishments under their belt, it doesn't necessarily make them an automatic shoe in. So, I thought to myself, okay looking at my writing career (or lack thereof) at the moment, I still have a 50/50 chance.


   As I kept on reading, however, the more discouraged I felt. Not only that, I felt inadequate. That, my friends, is a horrible feeling. It seemed that the majority of them were saying that not only do they look at contest wins and other such accolades, but also MFA degrees. Reading that my heart sank down deep into my chest and I could feel the tears behind my eyes. I know that may sound melodramatic, but it's the truth.


   While I can honestly say that I am educated, I cannot say that I am an educated woman. By that I mean this: I don't have any form of college education. This fact has been pointed out to me by a few people (as if I were not already aware) as a type of judgement. It's not very common for a woman my age to not have some form of degree- or two. All I can say in my defense was that I felt that that particular path was not meant for me, that G-d had other plans. I can already hear the scoffs- it's nothing new to me.


   Back to the point. My fear is that my submissions will be looked over because I don't have a college education or letters behind my my name. I genuinely and sincerely feel that I have a G-d given talent. I've felt that since I was a little girl. But will that be overlooked because of the reasons above? I suppose that only time will tell.


   I can only hope that my seemingly round about way of doing things will pay off in the end. Until then all I can do is keep plugging away.


Aimee
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Fear and Loathing

In my last post I covered the...adventure...that was November and December. Now we're reaching the end of January (which, to me, has seemed to be never ending), and I'm sure you're all chomping at the bit to know how I'm getting on. There was a smidge of sarcasm there, did you catch it?


So, January. January, January, January. January has been interesting on the writing front. Have I worked on my Urban Fantasy novel? Yeah, that'd be a no. You'd think that'd be absolutely horrid wouldn't you? Surprisingly, I'm alright with it.


Contrary to what you may think, I actually have done some work- on a completely new story. An idea for a new story came to me, and I just completely ran with it. It totally blindsided me, and shocked me to be honest. Why? It's something completely different than everything I've ever written ever. All of the stories that I've written in my life (this includes the laughably horrid ones that I wrote when I was 12 and 13) have been fantasy/sci-fi/supernatural/paranormal in some form or fashion. This story that I'm working on now is angsty/drama/romance Mainstream Fiction.


I know what you're thinking: Who are you and what have you done with Aimee? My answer: Dunno. But I really feel that there's something to this story. In practically one sitting I finished the rough outline for the entire novel. That is a first for me. In fact when I had finished I honestly sat at my kitchen table and stared at my notebook with nothing short of complete shock. I could have cried. I finished the draft of chapter one a few days later, along with half of chapter two. In fact, I banked 1,509 words in two hours. I celebrated with a cup of hot tea. That's how I roll.


But, even with all of the excitement I have over this story, I still have a good bit of fear. It's not fear that the story isn't good, it's the judgement that will most likely come with it.


Let me give a little bit of background on this. I'm a Believer. I belong to a Christian Writer's group. Generally it is expected for someone who falls in this category to write something fluffy and G-PG rated. Maybe I'm making a broad generalization, I don't know. What I do know is that I don't work that way. As a writer, even a fiction writer, I feel that I have to write the truth. The sad truth of it is that we don't live in a G-PG rated world. People have problems and issues. They mess up and do things that they shouldn't. They struggle. I can't gloss over these things, not even in an Urban Fantasy setting.

So, back to the whole judgement thing. It's as though I live in constant fear that the people I know that share my beliefs will read my work and will wonder what the heck is wrong with me. And speaking as someone who has had other people stare down their noses at me and be generally condescending, the whole business is very intimidating.


I know that I shouldn't let it worry me and get me down. I am an artist and I have to express myself. Some people are going to love my work and some are going to hate it with the white hot intensity of 1,000 burning suns. I suppose this is the part where I just roll with the punches and walk away from random explosions like a total bad ass. In other words, put on my big girl knickers and deal with it.


All that being said, I really can't wait to continue working on this story. I've even got a writing soundtrack for it- lots of Lana Del Rey to really set the tone.

Oh! In other news, I've ordered a book called 'The Writer's Guide to Psychology', and I absolutely can't wait for it to come it! I think it's going to help me a lot- especially with this new story. As soon as I read it I'll most likely post a review thing-a-ma-bob on here.

Ta!

Aimee
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Back From The Dead And Ready For More

The last time I had a chance to update this blog was last year. Yeesh. That was such a long time ago! But, in all seriousness (we'll see how long that lasts), it was been over two months since I have last posted. It saddens me to say that in between November 29th and December 31st I wrote nothing except for a quick scene "sketch"- during one of the more boring matches of December's WWE Pay-Per-View. That, I must say, is quite depressing.


My last post happened to be a little progress report on Nation Novel Writing Month, or as I refer to it now: "The Bane of My Existence". November started off with a fizzle, progressed into a bang, and then ended with a resigned fall over a cliff and into the realm of "I don't give a damn". In short, it was torture.


Now I am sure, in fact I am certain, that there are people out there that truly succeed at NaNoWriMo. What do I mean by succeed? I mean actually making it to the 50,000 word mark. I was not one of those people, though I did come fairly close. My final word count? 32,000+. All in all, it really isn't that shabby, in fact 32,000 words in 29 days is down right impressive. But, despite this accomplishment I was, and am still not, satisfied.


In all honesty the only thing impressive about my story for NaNoWriMo was the word count. I personally describe what I wrote like this: It was a steaming pile of dog crap. Apologies for the visual. I know, I know, it was a draft. Drafts are supposed to be craptastic. But this one really took the craptastic cake. I genuinely feel that I started out with a good idea, and given the time to really, adequately, nurture and grow the idea it could have been a decent story. Then again, I also feel that I'm being very optimistic on the subject.


I think when you get to the point in a story when you just can't pull anymore out of it, no matter how had you try, it's time to walk away. Maybe not walk away forever, but for just long enough to let the ideas and characters grow on their own without you forcing them.


In November I wanted to walk away from this story on several occasions, but I couldn't. I have a competitive nature, and I wanted to do NaNoWriMo. I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something. When it was all said and done, yes, I did. Here's the real kicker, though: By the time November was drawing to a close I very nearly wanted to give up writing completely.


That is a very horrid and depressing feeling for me, and I'm sure some of you think I'm being melodramatic- but I could care less. The focus on word count just seemed to suck the fun out of it. When you get to the point of writing random dream sequences, smut scenes (laughably bad ones at that), and "Hey! Let's kill someone off somewhat randomly in a bloody and descriptive way!" scenes then something is wrong. Though, I will admit that killing off characters is quite fun. Don't judge me.


I think the combination of a dead story, lackluster characters, and the month of November in general (Let's be honest, if you're American November is not the best month to write in.) is what did me in. Of course my month of November was...exceptional. The week of Thanksgiving? 300+ words. That's it. The week after Thanksgiving, the final stretch of NaNo, a couple of thousand at the most. November 29th, my laptop's power cord kicked the bucket and my laptop could only hold a charge for 10 minutes. So, on November 29th I decided that I was done- much to my relief and sadness.

I've been trying to think of the things that NaNoWriMo has taught me. Here's what I've come up with:

• I am perfectly capable of writing 2,000-4,000 words in a day. I hope to take this "new-found" ability with me into my other writing projects.
• If you don't love what you're doing, then it really isn't worth it. It's also soul sucking. I just realised that my NaNoWriMo story was the equivalent of a Dementor...
• Quality is better than quantity. Even though the draft of my urban fantasy novel does mot have the same word count as my NaNo story, it's infinitely better- and it's just a draft.
• November is really a no-go for me. 

National Novel Writing Month was an experience  Not a wholly positive one, and not a wholly negative one either. Just an experience.

My NaNo in a nutshell.

Now we get to shift gears into December.

Let me start off by saying that I love December. I love shopping- for my loved ones and for me (I like to shop. Don't judge me). I love cooking yummy desserts, wrapping presents, and listening to my Bing Crosby holiday station on Pandora. I really love seeing and spending time with all of my family. Plus, my birthday is in December and I think that's just lovely. 

I didn't go into December thinking that I would get much writing done, and I didn't. Well, I did sketch out a scene as I mentioned earlier. But I did keep getting ideas, and the need to write was coming over me once more. 

December of 2012 is going to be refereed to as The Month of the Laptop Perils. Or something like that anyways. As I said my laptop cord died on November 29th, and its replacement didn't come in until mid/late December. Thank goodness for all of the spiral bound notebooks I stocked up on back during the beginning of the school year and the drafts I had saved on a thumb drive that I was able to print out. I carted those suckers around with me most of the month. But, as I'm sure you can imagine, the absence of a laptop began to take its toll on this twenty-something. But, the power cord finally came in and I was back to my facade of normalcy. 

Oh but wait! There's more! Just after Christmas my laptop decided that it wanted to freeze. All the time. Yeah, I panicked. Luckily I'm married to an IT guy and he was able to get it stable enough to pull all of my writing, documents, pictures, and music off of it before it froze again. A few days after that, while he was trying to re-format it (or something like that) the hard drive went caput. 

It was a sad end to 2012 having to say goodbye to my laptop, Galinda (She was pink, and I love 'Wicked', so it worked). She'd been with me through so much; seen so many notes, ideas, chapters, and random bits of dialogue saved in her documents file. She was fantastic, and I will miss her. Now, I have Idris (I love Doctor Who, leave me alone) and there are new adventures to be had.

Adventures are exciting.

Now it's January of 2013. A new year filled with new possibilities. I've made resolutions like every other person on the planet- loosing weight and getting back into shape being one of them. I made one other resolution for this year as well. This year shall be the Year of the Draft. By the time 2013 draws to a close, I want my urban fantasy novel's first draft to be complete. I'm 20,000+ words in, so this is very attainable. More importantly, it's very exciting. 

Allons-y! 

Aimee

x

P.S. Random bit of random: Can I just say that I am in love with 'The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey'? I'm a rabid fangirl, and am not ashamed to admit it.